Tuesday, November 3, 2009
You are always full of promises...shining and hopeful one moment and then dark and empty the next. Some mornings I wake up thinking you are the only one I can depend on, and other days I don't want to come out of the covers because you're so bleak. I want to sit down with you and force you to give me all the answers to all my questions, but then I realize answers would only lead to more questions and I'd be left more lost than I was before. Sometimes it's just better not knowing. But the unknown nature you carry with you makes me feel like I'm jumping out of a plane without a parachute. It's exciting for a little while, but once the ground gets close reality knocks the wind out of my lungs like a ton of bricks and I just want it all to be over. I want to stop falling. And I want a parachute. It was stupid to jump in the first place without one, but I got tired of waiting. Always waiting.